Re-starting the journey

I’m back! It’s been a very long time since I posted and so much has changed.

3 years ago I started this blog fearing that I wasn’t going to get to be a mama because my periods seemed to be disappearing. I knew how much I wanted a child and so I decided to go the Single Mum By Choice route. I then found out I have a defective uterus and didn’t go ahead with those plans. I tried to accept that I would probably never have kids.

As 2018 draws close to the end, I am in totally new circumstances “life-wise”. I left the UK for Spain (no kids, no ties – right?), and I ended up meeting someone who has made be hopeful that all I had given up on could be possible. The long and short of it is that me and my partner (I’ll think of a nickname for him later) have decided that, even though it might be a long and somewhat difficult journey, we are going to try and become parents.

So.. I’m still a wannabe mama and as of last month we officially start trying to conceive (TTC). So this blog is being re-kindled and, while it will still be a TTC blog, it’s not going to be a SMBC blog anymore.

Let’s see where this journey takes me now!!

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Maybe there’s hope!!! 😊

So…. after having disappeared from my blog for a few months, I actually have something to write about! It looks like my emotional rollercoaster wasn’t ready to come to a halt.

After being plagued by such a thin, unresponsive endometrium that the doctor even advised against spending the money to TTC and warned against a very high risk pregnancy… miraculously my periods appear to have “come back” in August and September.

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1 door closes… how many others should I leave open?

After some soul searching following last week’s bad news I’ve decided I’m not going to try to get pregnant. It’s with a heavy heart that I have taken the decision that I don’t think I can put myself into the position where I could knowingly face the disappointment of constant failures of IUI cycles, the anxiety of a very high risk pregnancy, or the trauma of losses  (esp if these were “late”).

These things could happen to anyone (and I know they have happened for many of you in this group), but I feel like it’s one thing having to cope with an unexpected tragedy and another to deliberately put yourself into that situation. Psychologically I don’t think I’d cope well.
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Where do I go from here? Is it the end of the road?

Don’t know what to do.

I spoke to the doctor and while he hasn’t said not to try to conceive; he has said that with my unresponsive uterine lining the chances of conception  (implantation) are very low AND on top of that the risks of miscarriage/preterm delivery/Intrauterine Growth Restriction are high. I’m not worried about chances of conception being low; I’m concerned about the risks to the pregnancy and the child, and whether I can knowingly put myself into that condition and cope with the associated stress/emotional consequences.

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